Oh My Questions

So, something to know about adoption...there is a bucket-load of questions involved. Questions come from all directions. There are the questions on the homestudy paperwork. There are questions in the classes you take. There are questions that you ask your spouse. There are questions that a case worker asks you. And last but not least, there are questions people ask you when you tell them you are adopting. The last being my personal favorite.

People's curiosity is pretty awesome and before you know it you are wondering if they realized how personal of a question they just asked. These questions really don't bug me, but I do wonder how other people feel when they get asked these sometimes awkward things. I haven't always been this way, but I'm pretty much an open book. It also helps that I work with a group of people that really have no reservations in the inappropriateness arena. They set the bar high (or low, either way you look at it). I consider this on-the-job life-training.

So, this is how it typically goes down....

(Me) We are adopting!

(Other Person) That's great. Good for you guys. Have you been trying? (Said with sympathy)

(Me) Thanks! We are pretty excited. No, no we haven't been trying...(trying to not make a face at Other Person)

(Other Person) So, why are you adopting?

The context and person I'm having the conversation with makes this change only slightly. I have a different interpretation of most of the conversations I have, but the end of the day people end up asking me two pretty personal questions. Seriously, don't get me wrong...I love getting the questions. It gives me the opportunity to talk about adoption and what it means to me. However, once I get started I could talk about it almost endlessly!

1. Does your uterus work?
To appease any curiosity of those not close to me. My uterus is fine. As far as I know. I've never tried to get pregnant so I haven't actually tested this hypothesis. I'll let you know when/if I get knocked up to prove this hypothesis. Stay tuned....but don't hold your breath....it might be a while...we're adopting at the moment...

2. Why adoption (and the unasked question following the answer to #1), why don't you just have your own kids?
The answer to this question is much bigger, more complex (yet very simple) then what I can do it justice. Adoption is Jake's and my first choice for our first child. I don't know if I can really say it is our choice alone. It was the choice meant for us; chosen for us. Adoption is by far not the traditional means to grow one's family, but it is the way we are starting ours. We hope to have bio-kids someday too, and maybe even adopt again.

The bottom line to these questions is that it really doesn't matter. Adoption if a beautiful and amazing way to grow a family! I appreciate curiosity and the questions almost always come from a genuine place, but some people I see struggle with it a little bit.

Out of curiosity:
What was your first thought when you saw/heard the news about Sandra Bullock adopting her sweet little boy? Did you assume because she isn't in her 20's or 30's that she can't conceive? Did you wonder why she adopted? Maybe curious of her motives to adopt transracially? To be honest with you, we weren't considering adoption at the time Miss Sandra adopted. I personally didn't think about it much and I really don't remember if I asked these questions myself. I probably did. Now though, I'm primarily in the mindset that it really doesn't matter...Sandra has a beautiful family. She is a beautiful mother. She has a beautiful son. I think she has some fur-babies too, and I'm sure they are beautiful, but I don't keep up with her enough to really know.  :o) Either way, it works for her and that is what matters to her....and that is what really matters....