unexpected lessons

We knew when we signed up for adoption to be part of our family that we would be forever changed. What we didn't know was how. We've been made aware of three situations, or potential matches, over the past couple of months. I had no idea how much each of these individual situations would touch me in the deepest and most visceral way. Especially the situation we learned about today.

I've been on the brink of tears all afternoon...and openly cried when I finally talked to someone about it.

There is a mom out there with a baby in her belly that has a congenital heart defect. An anomaly that statistics show will require up to three heart surgeries and a significantly reduced lifespan. This mother is considering placing her child. We decided to show our profile to her.

Today I don't have words, I have tears. This woman and child may be two people we never actually meet, yet today I cry for them. I pray for them. I pray for this mother to have comfort and feel strength in her decision. I pray for God's will for this unborn child to be carried out in the meaningful and fulfilling way that He intends. I pray for grace. I just...pray...and I am humbled.

two months

As of September 1st we've been on our adoption agency's transracial adoption program wait list for two months. Doesn't seem like too long. Add the 14 months it took to get onto that wait list and it seems a little longer.

I'm beyond curious about when we'll hear about our baby, what it will be like trying to get ready to go to them, what it will be like meeting them for the first time, how we'll feel, will our birth mom want to meet us - is she safe from the hurricane, what will traveling with a newborn be like, what will it feel like coming home, how amazing will it be for our family meeting the newest addition...

So much to think about and anticipate.

baby room stuff

I've been searching for a dresser for baby's room for months. No joke. Months. Well, for some of those months I wasn't seriously looking. More browsing to see what's out there. When it comes to finding nursery furniture my potential finds have fallen into two categories 1) on Craigslist (but too far away, not quite right, already sold, etc) or 2) too expensive. I have a hard time spending a decent chunk of change on something I don't absolutely love and want to keep around forever. I also kind of like the idea of re-purposing and re-using. No need to buy something brand new when there are plenty of used pieces of furniture out there already. The old stuff is typically built way better as well.

Enter old, smelly, not cute dresser with potential. I wanted something that will also serve as a changing table. This should do.

 

Behind these lovely doors are what I was really looking for...

 

Drawers with cut-outs instead of drawer pulls. The doors must go. The cut-out drawers are very Anthropologie-like. Love that.

 

 

The best part about this dresser was the $60 that it cost me. If I end up not liking it for the baby's room, or if I find something better, I'll sell it and make a little money off of it. I'm thinking I'll put a darker chocolate stain on the inside of the drawers (which are often ignored) and painting/distressing the outside. I hope it turns out!

Where did the summer go???

Am I the only one wondering what happened to summer?

I know it is still technically summer, but between back-to-school packed stores and seeing the daily doubles in the soccer and football fields I'm wondering where summer went. I feel like I spent all of July trying to squeeze in a few activities around long hours at work. Okay, I don't just feel that way that IS exactly what I did. Very busy, but fun month!

Some our July fun included:

Amelia's Birthday

4th of July BBQ

Uncle Jake helped set up the "water park" before hanging out with a great group of people and kiddos for lunch. 

 

Beach Weekend

We had such a fun trip to the coast. Jake got to go on his first ocean fishing/crabbing trip with Kyle. They had fun and we had a great dinner that night!

Dirty Dash 5K Fun Run

Seriously...never been so dirty before in my life.

Dallas Summerfest 5k Fun Run & Parade

I'm the chair of a community outreach team at work and the group coordinates our participation in a lot of local events. Parades are a big deal around here and my hospital has participated for many years. The picture above shows the float "in progress" at our house. We won Best In Show honors!

 Marci, Kyle, and the girls came down and joined Jake and I for the parade festivities after we ran (if you can call it that) our 5K. 

 We've started August off with a fun weekend as well, but our month is growing quiet as we speak. Jake started working on a school in Washington a couple of weeks ago. The part of the job getting done now will likely take around 8 to 12 weeks. Although we really appreciate Jake's company having the work, traveling is no fun. Jake only gets to be home a day and a half on the weekends and lives out of the hotel room throughout the week. Not fun, but he doesn't complain. I complain. A little. :o)

August Fun:

Olivia's Birthday

Olivia with her beautiful momma on her "6th" Birthday. This kid is a goofball and thought it was funny to say that it was her 6th birthday instead of 2nd. I'm told she has also decided that she is a "big baby" instead of a toddler now. 

 Oregon Jamboree

I didn't take a single picture of us at Jamboree, but have a picture of the girls in their Jamboree chair.

I've said it before and will keep saying it - being busy while we are waiting for baby is such a blessing! July flew by and August is already half over. Each day brings us closer to a phone call, to a birthmom, to our baby. I remember sitting at our kitchen table in Idaho with our caseworker at the time telling us the best thing we can do is keep living our lives, stay busy, and don't let the waiting take over. Of course she was right, but it is hard to constantly be wondering (or trying not to). I notice that I have had a hard time not being fixated both times we've been asked to show our  profile. With both situations as soon as I've sent the email to our coordinator the waiting has become distracting. It's like waking up every morning and not knowing if it is going to be Christmas or not. Let me tell you - it is going to be so incredibly amazing when it finally is. Can't wait!!!

Reacting

Have you ever reacted to something so out of proportion to what it is that you have to laugh at yourself?

Our profile was given to a birthmom in Louisiana yesterday.

My phone rang tonight from an Idaho number (where our agency is located).

My heart immediately started pounding as I realized the area code. My thoughts raced. It's only been a day. Why would they call at night?

I yelled to Jake in the other room that someone from Idaho was calling me.

I answered the phone.

It was the wrong number.

Seriously.

Talk about overreacting.

Jake's still laughing. But only because he thought the same thing I did.

Busy-ness

This week came with some tight deadlines, back-to-back meetings, hundreds of budget-related emails, and late nights at the office. Thankfully I really don't mind the work, but I've definitely been busy and not home long enough to do much more than sleep. Although the days were long, this week flew by. This type of work requires full attention and cognition so it really kept the day dreaming time about becoming a mommy to minimum.

What a blessing.

Another week closer to baby. That's what this busy week made me.

As packed with work as this week was, adoption came up a few times. Because some days it still doesn't seem real that we are going to be parents, each instance made me smile and warmed my heart. The first time it came up the finance director I am working for was showing me the department and one of the ladies in accounts payable recognized my name and asked if I was the Melissa that she just reimbursed for adoption expenses (thank goodness I already gave the director a head's up so this wasn't the first time he heard about it). We all chatted about adoption for a few minutes and I enjoyed getting to talk about it. I also had a nurse manager catch up with me while getting lunch to ask how the process was going. This lady has always been so enthusiastic and supportive or our journey. So sweet.

Lastly, my mom sent me a story. Someone in the building she works in has been trying to get approval to adopt. I didn't have a chance to ask all the details, but apparently this guy and his wife have had quite the journey themselves. He is a cancer survivor. His cancer has been completely eradicated, but having the history of it disqualified him and his wife from adopting through a couple of agencies. They were finally approved. The below story was shared with my mom and she passed it along to me. I think it's simplicity helps demonstrate how the different journeys to parenthood feel to different people.

I guess I should add that my work week wasn't all boring serious stuffy budget work...I did manage to order two dozen stick horses from a warehouse in the South. Have any of you ever tried to order stick horses in bulk??? Seriously not a readily available item. A story for another day...

Profiles and A Situation

I put our completed profiles in the mail to our agency this morning!

So, once I sent in our profile for review the coordinator at the agency we are working with took a couple of weeks to get back to us. She reviewed our profile and made some notes for revision and also had the caseworker who did our Idaho home study review it. They had great feedback and I was able to make the revisions pretty easily. It was nice having someone who has seen hundreds of profiles look at ours and help make it what it needs to be.

What I wasn't expecting from the phone call with our coordinator was talking about a situation. In the adoption world a situation = a potential birth mom. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it a bit, but our profile wasn't even ready for print yet and we were being shown a birth mom and being asked if we wanted her to see our profile! Our profile is being overnighted to her agency so they'll have it tomorrow. There is really no way of knowing whether she will like what she sees in our book or not, and the situation isn't a perfect match to us from what we can tell based on the limited information we have, but it is close enough for us to want to know more.

I feel catapulted into the next phase of this adoption journey and it REALLY feels real now. We are adopting and bringing a baby home is imminent. Crazy.

I still can't adequately describe what it is like having information on a potential situation in my hands. I read through her profile ten different times before I caught all of the details. Seeing her name, the gender of the baby in her belly, and her due date was surreal. This situation may not even be our situation, but it is still exciting to be throwing our hat in for consideration by a birth mom.

I think this is also the perfect first situation for Jake and I to be made aware of. There are some things about it that stretch our comfort boundaries and are making us talk about what is right for us. These talks are providing more clarity and affirmation and I'm glad we are having them.

Such an exciting week!