Waiting for Tomorrow

In the midst of crazy busy-ness coordinating an out of state move, getting Jake packed up to move a week before me, having a yard sale (my first ever), taking care of poor Pate and his shaved and sewn up paw, and trying to transition smoothly away from one job into another a song came on and made me pause. I grew up with music always playing in our home, I played for years in my school band, and still find it to be something that can sooth my soul.

Tim McGraw's "Still" was exactly the message I needed to go into and get through this week..."just be still".

I'm finding this to be such an emotional time. There are a few things around my house, the home that Jake and I have shared with our two boys for the past 6 1/2 years, that pull at my heart strings. The nursery that I have all planned out that we will no longer be bringing our first baby home to. The front door that my neighbor carried me through after I received the call about my brother. The office floor I curled up on and sobbed for what felt like a lifetime. The way the moon shines through my bedroom window. The spare bedrooms that overfill with family when they come to visit. The garden that always starts with the best intentions in the spring and always sees more weeds then vegetables by harvest time. My amazing neighbors.

I have so much to look forward to and be excited about. I honestly can't wait to get moved and settled. Come home to my husband and the boys each night (and soon baby). We've had to push the pause button on our adoption to get moved and redo some of the things we had already completed. This has pulled on my heart strings the hardest. I'm so ready to be a mom I just want to push the fast forward button and get through the waiting. I've found myself yearning for tomorrow, but for now, I'm just going to be still and appreciate what I have today.

Newness

There is so much newness going on I'm not sure where to start!

I feel so much happiness and excitement with all this newness though, that I can't wait to feel the enjoyment it is all going to create. Okay, okay, I'm feeling the stress of it all too! :o)

In addition to starting a family we are moving back to Oregon! I accepted the job I interviewed for with Salem Health at their West Valley Critical Access Hospital. In my new role I will be overseeing an operating room remodel/expansion and work on business development for the hospital. I officially accepted the position last week and luckily had a trip planned for the Oregon Jamboree days later so got to check out Dallas a little more. Dallas is just East of Salem. It's a cute little town of about 14,000 and we think that is where we will try to find a place versus living in Salem. We want to be an active part of the community that we are working in and think we can do that in Dallas. Also while in Oregon Jake was able to meet up with the plumbing supervisor at Jet Industries and got a job too! We made the decision for me to take the new job without Jake having anything at all and decided we'd figure that part out later. Thankfully the later came quickly so it is one less thing to worry about.

My official start date is August 29th and was hoping to be getting us moved the week before that, but Jake's new company is pushing for him to start by the middle of August. There is so much to do between now and then, but I'm sure it will all work itself out and get done.

Another thing we are so thankful for is our super competent case worker helping us with our adoption. The agency we are working with is licensed in Oregon so we just have to change a little bit of paperwork and redo our home visit. We will be delayed a few months as we get moved and redo some stuff, but overall not too hard to accommodate. It was such a tough decision to move after living in Idaho for the past almost 8 years, and to be so far along in our adoption process to uproot ourselves. However, now that the decisions are made they are most definitely the right ones and will be great for our family.

Oregon, here we come!!!

"Oh...that's different"

This was a new one for me.

I tried to make this post not sound too judging or seem too cranky, but I have to admit I had both of these feelings going on...

While volunteering at the Oregon Jamboree over the weekend in the beer gardens, I found myself chatting with one of the other volunteers. She had overheard a comment I made to my husband about "after baby is here". This chica at face value appeared to be put together, she's an accountant, and expecting her first baby in by my best guess her mid-thirties. She was obviously excited to talk to another expecting mom about baby. So, as my husband is walking about she turns to me and asks 'did I hear you say you are expecting'. My response with a big smile on my face was 'Yes! We are expecting via adoption.' Her response with obvious disappointment was 'oh...that's different'.

That is all she had to say to me! No questions. Just disappointment. She then kind of turned around so she wouldn't have to talk to me anymore. I was at a bit of a loss over this brief conversation. Bewildered. It seriously felt like I was disqualified from being an expectant mom because baby isn't in my belly. Luckily, I'm not really sensitive to things like this, but I can't help to think of other expecting-via-adoption-soon-to-be-mommies out there. I have met some great girls who are also adopting, and they would have been crushed by this interaction.

So, dear disappointed chica, thank you for stating the obvious and letting me know that adopting is different. Those adopting do face the unknown each and every step along the way. We don't have a gaggle of girlfriends to turn to who know exactly what we are talking about, or have the ability to answer the 'what did you do' questions. (As I'm writing this I'm realizing how similar things really are when you are expecting regardless of how you are expecting when it's your first.) I'm sorry you were so uncomfortable/ignorant/disappointed by the topic of adoption being brought up in your presence that you didn't know what to say. Even though I don't have a baby in my belly, I'm still expecting. There are lots of things we could have talked about and next time you meet someone else who is expecting via adoption, you'd be impressed to realize how much you in your own expecting state have in common....

Do you know what you are having?

Do you have names picked out?

Is this your first baby?

How much time are you taking off, are you going to become a stay at home mom?

What is your nursery color scheme?


....see, lots to talk about!

Little Person Blanket

Some of my fondest memories growing up are the times spent learning how to sew from both my mom and my godmother.

My godmother was one of my soul mates in life. She was over 50 years older than me, lived through the great depression, and had such romantic stories of the loves and losses of her lifetime. We were like two peas in a pod...and I just ate up her stories and wisdom. She had a sewing room that had one wall of storage for all of her beautiful fabrics and the opposing wall her sewing machine...I loved that room. I loved that she taught me to sew because I wanted to. She learned out of necessity. She worked hard at sewing as a child because she couldn't wait to make her own clothes and style them the way she wanted versus what her mother made for her. My godmother was quite the fashionista of her time and it still amazes me how she made most of what she wore when she was my age today.

Most days I can still barely sew a straight line, but I like to take on sewing projects anyway.

This is the little-person blanket I made this week. I love this pattern and can't wait to make some matching burp clothes and also tackle the pattern again. Next time I do this pattern I want it to be bigger and hopefully in some vibrant color for the living room. I just love how it adds pattern and a bit of graphic-ness.

I'm also loving the cream and gray colors together. I do really like yellow for baby, but don't want to be limited by it either since we will likely have a surprise baby (in more than one way really..surprise gender...surprise timing...) it's nice to have options.

Home Visit

One of the things that seems to give couples great angst in their adoption journey is the home visit during the home study portion of the adoption process. We were anxious to get through this next step, but in a let's-keep-this-ball-rolling-what-do-we-do-next sort of way. We had our home visit two Friday's ago and I have to say, it was like having a friend over to talk about us and our adoption journey...and then we toured the house and checked all of the fire alarms and some other things on the checklist. Our case worker is phenomenal and I just adore her, so I'm sure that is part of the reason it was such a great experience. She completely puts us at ease. She knows what she is doing. Answers every random question we are able to muster, and is just a sweet person.

One question that our case worker had for us that ended up being my favorite, even though it really made me pause was 'Why did you choose your older sister and her husband for being your future-little-person's guardians if something happened to you?' As I bought myself some time to process a thorough enough answer that would please the case worker, I started by saying because my older sister is one of the most amazing moms in the world and I can only hope to be half as awesome as she is. She is amazing. Period. Now, I did have to suffer through years of my older sis being "Mother-Marci" to all three of us younger kids. And it drove me seriously crazy. But, maybe it helped her prepare for when she had her own little ones
(do you like how I'm able to make it about me and try to take credit for contributing to her awesomeness :o) ? ). Seriously though, she was meant to be a mother and her daughters are super awesome little people and it's pretty evident why.


I did do the obligatory cleaning prior to our home visit, but what I realized while I was doing it was that it wasn't about having the case worker come over to "evaluate" us....it became fun making room for a little person to join our household and that is what I was really doing.

With this room-making we are now preparing for a yard sale that we will have in early August...I have no idea how we have accumulated so much shituff. I guess we have lived in our house now for 6 1/2 years, but it's really no excuse!

I also got really excited about some fun fabric I have in my crafting/sewing/scrapbooking closet. I already have a little-person quilt almost complete...

Nesting?

It is possible I experienced what some refer to as nesting the other day...and even if that isn't what it is, that is what I'm going to call it. I am technically expecting, so I think it counts.

I had a long day at work that included a couple hours of leadership development bringing me home at about 10 o'clock...and then I don't know what came over me, but as I started a load of laundry I suddenly felt compelled to clean the entire laundry room. As the washing machine started I thought I'd check out how long the water tubing-connector-pipe-thingys were, and sure enough long enough to pull the washer out completely. My load of laundry was not going to slow my cleaning down. I could run the washer and clean underneath it at the same time. Sweet! So there I was in the middle of the night squished behind my washer and dryer scrubbing away at the floor and I started to think.....how do pregnant women nest/clean? I mean if I was breaking a sweat, squished in my little laundry room behind the washer and dryer, not able to stand straight up because I would hit my head on shelving, and could barely fit myself back behind the washer to start with... how would a prego ever get this done? Is there magic prego-expecting-nesting powers?

My conclusion is that there is in fact magic powers involved.

My new go-to gift for expecting friends is probably going to be house keeping services from here on out. :)

Oh My Questions

So, something to know about adoption...there is a bucket-load of questions involved. Questions come from all directions. There are the questions on the homestudy paperwork. There are questions in the classes you take. There are questions that you ask your spouse. There are questions that a case worker asks you. And last but not least, there are questions people ask you when you tell them you are adopting. The last being my personal favorite.

People's curiosity is pretty awesome and before you know it you are wondering if they realized how personal of a question they just asked. These questions really don't bug me, but I do wonder how other people feel when they get asked these sometimes awkward things. I haven't always been this way, but I'm pretty much an open book. It also helps that I work with a group of people that really have no reservations in the inappropriateness arena. They set the bar high (or low, either way you look at it). I consider this on-the-job life-training.

So, this is how it typically goes down....

(Me) We are adopting!

(Other Person) That's great. Good for you guys. Have you been trying? (Said with sympathy)

(Me) Thanks! We are pretty excited. No, no we haven't been trying...(trying to not make a face at Other Person)

(Other Person) So, why are you adopting?

The context and person I'm having the conversation with makes this change only slightly. I have a different interpretation of most of the conversations I have, but the end of the day people end up asking me two pretty personal questions. Seriously, don't get me wrong...I love getting the questions. It gives me the opportunity to talk about adoption and what it means to me. However, once I get started I could talk about it almost endlessly!

1. Does your uterus work?
To appease any curiosity of those not close to me. My uterus is fine. As far as I know. I've never tried to get pregnant so I haven't actually tested this hypothesis. I'll let you know when/if I get knocked up to prove this hypothesis. Stay tuned....but don't hold your breath....it might be a while...we're adopting at the moment...

2. Why adoption (and the unasked question following the answer to #1), why don't you just have your own kids?
The answer to this question is much bigger, more complex (yet very simple) then what I can do it justice. Adoption is Jake's and my first choice for our first child. I don't know if I can really say it is our choice alone. It was the choice meant for us; chosen for us. Adoption is by far not the traditional means to grow one's family, but it is the way we are starting ours. We hope to have bio-kids someday too, and maybe even adopt again.

The bottom line to these questions is that it really doesn't matter. Adoption if a beautiful and amazing way to grow a family! I appreciate curiosity and the questions almost always come from a genuine place, but some people I see struggle with it a little bit.

Out of curiosity:
What was your first thought when you saw/heard the news about Sandra Bullock adopting her sweet little boy? Did you assume because she isn't in her 20's or 30's that she can't conceive? Did you wonder why she adopted? Maybe curious of her motives to adopt transracially? To be honest with you, we weren't considering adoption at the time Miss Sandra adopted. I personally didn't think about it much and I really don't remember if I asked these questions myself. I probably did. Now though, I'm primarily in the mindset that it really doesn't matter...Sandra has a beautiful family. She is a beautiful mother. She has a beautiful son. I think she has some fur-babies too, and I'm sure they are beautiful, but I don't keep up with her enough to really know.  :o) Either way, it works for her and that is what matters to her....and that is what really matters....