Waiting

I think everyone that we've gotten advice from has told us that the waiting involved with adoption gets hard. I, of course, thought it can't be that bad (kind of like, our children are going to be perfect and never cry in public). I mean we aren't one of those desperately-crazy-give-us-a-baby couples. Or so I thought. We may be approaching that status. Or at least, we have our moments. Or, to be more specific, I have those moments (I won't drag my husband into this crazy bucket with me...not yet anyway). Our wait has unfortunately started earlier in the process then we anticipated. We aren't waiting on a baby. We are waiting on our adoption agency. Some moments I'm okay with this, but without question there are moments where I am not. Our agency emailed us a couple of weeks ago and let us know that the case worker who is travelling from Boise to our area only comes to Oregon once a month and that November's trip was already booked. No room to fit us in the schedule. Awesome. December or January should work though. Awesome.

I should have known I would be challenged with the waiting aspect of this journey. Having patience is something I struggle with on almost a daily basis. I am patient deficient. I was born that way. Literally. My poor mother was only at the hospital for 20 minutes or so before I decided to show up. Maybe that was a good thing for her. Maybe not. I was born waiting for no one. Completely on my schedule. Really, who needs a doctor during delivery?

I'm ready to be a mom. Give me a baby. Now. Or maybe tomorrow...tomorrow is good too.

Actually what I find myself fixated on is what it will be like to get the news that a birth mom has chosen us. Will she be in her 7th month of pregnancy? (This is when many adoption agencies start having their birth moms look at profiles to choose parents for their unborn baby.) Or, will we get the phone call telling us we've been chosen and birth mom has already delivered...how fast can we get a flight booked? What will we be doing? Will I be in a meeting at work? Home cooking? Will I cry? Will the bags be packed and ready to go? I should make a list of what to pack. I always forget something...

Funny thing about this line of fixation is that I've totally skipped over details I still have questions about and we haven't been told about. Where and when do we buy a car seat? Crap - I should probably research car seats...oh wait, no need. I'll just call my older sister. She'll know what I need. Hello speed dial. My older sister and mom can rock-paper-scissors to see who gets the pleasure of my I'm-a-new-mom-and-don't-know-what-I'm-doing phone calls. Maybe I can split things up into day and night shifts for them...good idea. Any other volunteers?

When will I feel like a mom? I do already feel like an expectant mom...

So. What to do while we wait? Our case worker did praise us while she was at our home in Idaho for our "continuing on like normal" approach to the process. This was easier in Idaho. We didn't have delays. We also had a "normal". Since moving I don't think we've quite gotten into a normal routine yet, and getting to that point will be helpful. I think we get closer all the time, but we are missing our regular group of friends and supportive co-workers that we saw all the time.

Maybe I'll go into project mode. Do all the super-time-consuming things that people do when they are expecting...any ideas? If there were a couple little things you look back and wish you did in preparation for your kids, what are they?

I do need to go back and document all of the special adoption-days and milestones we have reached already. Sounds like a good place to start!