A Little Reminder

It's always nice to see a little reminder like this. Things happen when they are supposed to. :o)

Waiting

I think everyone that we've gotten advice from has told us that the waiting involved with adoption gets hard. I, of course, thought it can't be that bad (kind of like, our children are going to be perfect and never cry in public). I mean we aren't one of those desperately-crazy-give-us-a-baby couples. Or so I thought. We may be approaching that status. Or at least, we have our moments. Or, to be more specific, I have those moments (I won't drag my husband into this crazy bucket with me...not yet anyway). Our wait has unfortunately started earlier in the process then we anticipated. We aren't waiting on a baby. We are waiting on our adoption agency. Some moments I'm okay with this, but without question there are moments where I am not. Our agency emailed us a couple of weeks ago and let us know that the case worker who is travelling from Boise to our area only comes to Oregon once a month and that November's trip was already booked. No room to fit us in the schedule. Awesome. December or January should work though. Awesome.

I should have known I would be challenged with the waiting aspect of this journey. Having patience is something I struggle with on almost a daily basis. I am patient deficient. I was born that way. Literally. My poor mother was only at the hospital for 20 minutes or so before I decided to show up. Maybe that was a good thing for her. Maybe not. I was born waiting for no one. Completely on my schedule. Really, who needs a doctor during delivery?

I'm ready to be a mom. Give me a baby. Now. Or maybe tomorrow...tomorrow is good too.

Actually what I find myself fixated on is what it will be like to get the news that a birth mom has chosen us. Will she be in her 7th month of pregnancy? (This is when many adoption agencies start having their birth moms look at profiles to choose parents for their unborn baby.) Or, will we get the phone call telling us we've been chosen and birth mom has already delivered...how fast can we get a flight booked? What will we be doing? Will I be in a meeting at work? Home cooking? Will I cry? Will the bags be packed and ready to go? I should make a list of what to pack. I always forget something...

Funny thing about this line of fixation is that I've totally skipped over details I still have questions about and we haven't been told about. Where and when do we buy a car seat? Crap - I should probably research car seats...oh wait, no need. I'll just call my older sister. She'll know what I need. Hello speed dial. My older sister and mom can rock-paper-scissors to see who gets the pleasure of my I'm-a-new-mom-and-don't-know-what-I'm-doing phone calls. Maybe I can split things up into day and night shifts for them...good idea. Any other volunteers?

When will I feel like a mom? I do already feel like an expectant mom...

So. What to do while we wait? Our case worker did praise us while she was at our home in Idaho for our "continuing on like normal" approach to the process. This was easier in Idaho. We didn't have delays. We also had a "normal". Since moving I don't think we've quite gotten into a normal routine yet, and getting to that point will be helpful. I think we get closer all the time, but we are missing our regular group of friends and supportive co-workers that we saw all the time.

Maybe I'll go into project mode. Do all the super-time-consuming things that people do when they are expecting...any ideas? If there were a couple little things you look back and wish you did in preparation for your kids, what are they?

I do need to go back and document all of the special adoption-days and milestones we have reached already. Sounds like a good place to start!

Oregon & an Adoption Update

Come to find out moving is a really big deal. Exhausting even. With that being said, moving has been one of the best decisions we have ever made and I think we are all settled in! Moving back to Oregon has felt like we've moved back home. I've never had the desire to return to my hometown, but there is something about my home state that has drawn us back and welcomed us with open arms. Our new little town is picturesque and adorable. It is quiet and the pulse here is relaxed and refreshing. I work with some amazing people who have accepted me more warmly and kindly than I've ever experienced. Same goes for our new church community. I love our little church. It's beautiful. Our priest....hilarious, unpredictable, and addicting to listen to.

We're just missing one thing...progress on our adoption. Actually, there has been movement, but it has been backward (insert sad face here). Moving into a new state has resulted in adding some complications to our adoption. Following a couple of rough weeks we've decided to return to our optimistic state of mind and put faith in the journey we are meant to be on.

I have to admit I've stumbled a bit the last few weeks. My faith in our adoption agency had all but dwindled until I realized that isn't who I should be putting my faith in. I do need to trust them and trust that they are making good decisions for all involved. I hope they are.

So, what am I talking about? We were reassured that our move would be no problem with our agency. They cover Oregon. What they didn't tell us is that they don't really cover Oregon. They are agreeing to send our caseworker to redo our homestudy and complete our individual interviews. They are also agreeing to network for us. What they are not agreeing to is supporting us post placement. Once a baby is placed with you there are months of followup that happens. It is fairly normal for your adoption to not be finalized for up to a year. Our agency won't commit to doing this for us due to resource availability (we think this was purely a financial decision on their part). What this means is that our agency with have to ask another agency if they will be willing to enter into a sub-contracting type relationship with them. Another agency does not have to agree to this, and I'm sure for them to do so there will be some extra large fees attached. Disappointing.

This is really the first time that our journey to build our family has felt like a business transaction. It is unnatural. The good news to this is I am one hell of a businesswoman. I just never knew I would use those skills to build my family. My inner mama-bear-I'll-do-whatever-it-takes instinct has been tapped for sure.

I also have amazing support. My husband. My family. My friends. One of the wonderful women I mentioned above (we work together and go to the same church) is a mother of four adopted children. She has been my adoption (labor) coach the last couple of weeks (she's also a nurse and gives awesome flu shots...didn't even feel it...true story). What a God-send. She reminds me to breath. She reminds me to laugh. She reminds me it will all be worth it.

(insert deep breath here)

There it is - a quick update. I look forward to having more progress to share with everyone soon!

Waiting for Tomorrow

In the midst of crazy busy-ness coordinating an out of state move, getting Jake packed up to move a week before me, having a yard sale (my first ever), taking care of poor Pate and his shaved and sewn up paw, and trying to transition smoothly away from one job into another a song came on and made me pause. I grew up with music always playing in our home, I played for years in my school band, and still find it to be something that can sooth my soul.

Tim McGraw's "Still" was exactly the message I needed to go into and get through this week..."just be still".

I'm finding this to be such an emotional time. There are a few things around my house, the home that Jake and I have shared with our two boys for the past 6 1/2 years, that pull at my heart strings. The nursery that I have all planned out that we will no longer be bringing our first baby home to. The front door that my neighbor carried me through after I received the call about my brother. The office floor I curled up on and sobbed for what felt like a lifetime. The way the moon shines through my bedroom window. The spare bedrooms that overfill with family when they come to visit. The garden that always starts with the best intentions in the spring and always sees more weeds then vegetables by harvest time. My amazing neighbors.

I have so much to look forward to and be excited about. I honestly can't wait to get moved and settled. Come home to my husband and the boys each night (and soon baby). We've had to push the pause button on our adoption to get moved and redo some of the things we had already completed. This has pulled on my heart strings the hardest. I'm so ready to be a mom I just want to push the fast forward button and get through the waiting. I've found myself yearning for tomorrow, but for now, I'm just going to be still and appreciate what I have today.

Newness

There is so much newness going on I'm not sure where to start!

I feel so much happiness and excitement with all this newness though, that I can't wait to feel the enjoyment it is all going to create. Okay, okay, I'm feeling the stress of it all too! :o)

In addition to starting a family we are moving back to Oregon! I accepted the job I interviewed for with Salem Health at their West Valley Critical Access Hospital. In my new role I will be overseeing an operating room remodel/expansion and work on business development for the hospital. I officially accepted the position last week and luckily had a trip planned for the Oregon Jamboree days later so got to check out Dallas a little more. Dallas is just East of Salem. It's a cute little town of about 14,000 and we think that is where we will try to find a place versus living in Salem. We want to be an active part of the community that we are working in and think we can do that in Dallas. Also while in Oregon Jake was able to meet up with the plumbing supervisor at Jet Industries and got a job too! We made the decision for me to take the new job without Jake having anything at all and decided we'd figure that part out later. Thankfully the later came quickly so it is one less thing to worry about.

My official start date is August 29th and was hoping to be getting us moved the week before that, but Jake's new company is pushing for him to start by the middle of August. There is so much to do between now and then, but I'm sure it will all work itself out and get done.

Another thing we are so thankful for is our super competent case worker helping us with our adoption. The agency we are working with is licensed in Oregon so we just have to change a little bit of paperwork and redo our home visit. We will be delayed a few months as we get moved and redo some stuff, but overall not too hard to accommodate. It was such a tough decision to move after living in Idaho for the past almost 8 years, and to be so far along in our adoption process to uproot ourselves. However, now that the decisions are made they are most definitely the right ones and will be great for our family.

Oregon, here we come!!!

"Oh...that's different"

This was a new one for me.

I tried to make this post not sound too judging or seem too cranky, but I have to admit I had both of these feelings going on...

While volunteering at the Oregon Jamboree over the weekend in the beer gardens, I found myself chatting with one of the other volunteers. She had overheard a comment I made to my husband about "after baby is here". This chica at face value appeared to be put together, she's an accountant, and expecting her first baby in by my best guess her mid-thirties. She was obviously excited to talk to another expecting mom about baby. So, as my husband is walking about she turns to me and asks 'did I hear you say you are expecting'. My response with a big smile on my face was 'Yes! We are expecting via adoption.' Her response with obvious disappointment was 'oh...that's different'.

That is all she had to say to me! No questions. Just disappointment. She then kind of turned around so she wouldn't have to talk to me anymore. I was at a bit of a loss over this brief conversation. Bewildered. It seriously felt like I was disqualified from being an expectant mom because baby isn't in my belly. Luckily, I'm not really sensitive to things like this, but I can't help to think of other expecting-via-adoption-soon-to-be-mommies out there. I have met some great girls who are also adopting, and they would have been crushed by this interaction.

So, dear disappointed chica, thank you for stating the obvious and letting me know that adopting is different. Those adopting do face the unknown each and every step along the way. We don't have a gaggle of girlfriends to turn to who know exactly what we are talking about, or have the ability to answer the 'what did you do' questions. (As I'm writing this I'm realizing how similar things really are when you are expecting regardless of how you are expecting when it's your first.) I'm sorry you were so uncomfortable/ignorant/disappointed by the topic of adoption being brought up in your presence that you didn't know what to say. Even though I don't have a baby in my belly, I'm still expecting. There are lots of things we could have talked about and next time you meet someone else who is expecting via adoption, you'd be impressed to realize how much you in your own expecting state have in common....

Do you know what you are having?

Do you have names picked out?

Is this your first baby?

How much time are you taking off, are you going to become a stay at home mom?

What is your nursery color scheme?


....see, lots to talk about!

Little Person Blanket

Some of my fondest memories growing up are the times spent learning how to sew from both my mom and my godmother.

My godmother was one of my soul mates in life. She was over 50 years older than me, lived through the great depression, and had such romantic stories of the loves and losses of her lifetime. We were like two peas in a pod...and I just ate up her stories and wisdom. She had a sewing room that had one wall of storage for all of her beautiful fabrics and the opposing wall her sewing machine...I loved that room. I loved that she taught me to sew because I wanted to. She learned out of necessity. She worked hard at sewing as a child because she couldn't wait to make her own clothes and style them the way she wanted versus what her mother made for her. My godmother was quite the fashionista of her time and it still amazes me how she made most of what she wore when she was my age today.

Most days I can still barely sew a straight line, but I like to take on sewing projects anyway.

This is the little-person blanket I made this week. I love this pattern and can't wait to make some matching burp clothes and also tackle the pattern again. Next time I do this pattern I want it to be bigger and hopefully in some vibrant color for the living room. I just love how it adds pattern and a bit of graphic-ness.

I'm also loving the cream and gray colors together. I do really like yellow for baby, but don't want to be limited by it either since we will likely have a surprise baby (in more than one way really..surprise gender...surprise timing...) it's nice to have options.